UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND SHAME OF DEFEAT

Well…that was exciting (and at the same time, heartbreaking)! Our University of Denver team just finished our up and down season with a one-goal loss to the number one seeded Loyola team in the NCAA quarterfinals. We had five one goal losses on the year (three to top five teams), which shows we were SO incredibly close to being able to win a national championship. But, like my father used to tell me when I was young, "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, son!". Such a comforting phrase...

It can be an emotional experience after a season ends, especially after a roller coaster ride like the one we went on this year. There is so much work and dedication that goes into the pursuit of a "successful" season at any level and that is even more so true at the college level. The players spend hours on the practice field, in the weight room, in the video room and in the office preparing for their opponents all year. Coaches basically sacrifice their entire lives at this level, just to be able to keep up and compete with all of the other teams and staffs out there. When I was young, people used to ask me what my father did for a living. I would reply that he was a college lacrosse coach. Then they would ask, "Well, what else does he do?". I would laugh and tell them there was no time for anything else and that they probably saw their father more at home, than I did. But, that's life in collegiate athletics.

Anyway, there can be a lot of anger and / or shame that comes up when a season ends. We can be angry at the team that beat us or the referees or at our teammates and coaches for not being perfect. We can also feel a lot of shame within ourselves. If we are players, we might say, "Well…if I had just made this save…or won this face-off…or scored on this shot, then I would not have let my team down." If we are coaches, we can think to ourselves, "We should have worked on that other thing the week before or I should have run that offense or that defense or played that kid at that time." All this anger and shame can eat away at us and be very destructive once a season ends to ourselves and to those around us.

A couple of weeks ago, I randomly met a Zen master and priest named Doshin, and I was fortunate to be able to talk with him for a while. He was a fascinating man with a big smile and an even bigger laugh. He seriously looked like a modern day Buddha! He asked me, "Trevor, can anyone make you angry?". I said, "Sure, lots of people make me angry." Then he said, "Okay, well let's say other people can make you angry. Who makes you angry right now?". At the time, my father and I were knocking heads on a daily basis from working together so much. So, I told him my father made me angry.

Finally, he asked me, "If you really feel underneath all that anger, what is there?". Then I felt the care and compassion and love that I have for my father. My eyes welled up and I told him, "Well, I really care about my father. I want him to be happy and successful." He laughed his big laugh which made me laugh at the whole joke as well. Again he asked me, "Can anyone make you angry?". The way he asked made me laugh at myself again and realize that no one could actually make me angry. I chose to get angry at other people! It was an incredible insight. I was able to see that we choose to get angry when we care deeply about something or someone!

Then, Doshin told me that the same is true with shame. We choose to get angry at ourselves and direct that anger inwards when we actually just care about something. So, instead of feeling how much we care or love something, we beat ourselves up for not being perfect. That can be incredibly destructive in our own lives and can keep us from having the happiness and success that we all deserve.

So, as the season ended for us on Saturday afternoon, I had a lot of anger and shame start to come up after our loss to Loyola. But, I reminded myself of the great lesson that Doshin had taught me and was able to see what I really felt down deep. Underneath it all, I care deeply about the players on our University of Denver team and my fellow coaches. I am incredibly proud of them for all their hard work and the successes that we had this season. I know that towards the end of the year, they played their absolute best and left everything out on the field. As much as I would like to see the DU team win a national championship one day, the high of winning it all and making it to the top cannot even compare to the love that I have for them all today.

Sometimes, we might be disappointed to not "win it all" and get everything that we want, but we can still be grateful for having all that we need.

FREE VIDEO SECTION UP!

I want to apologize that I have not been able to write more lately on this blog. I actually miss writing but I have been so swamped lately, it has just not been in the cards for me. Things have been going well as our Denver Pioneers team has bounced back! See why I wrote "Never...Ever...Quit" a couple weeks ago when things were looking bleak for us? That is what sports are all about! We won our first round NCAA playoff game as we beat an amazing North Carolina team down at Chapel Hill this past weekend in one of the most exciting lacrosse games that I have ever witnessed. Now, we move on to play Loyola in the NCAA quarterfinals. Loyola is the number one seed in the tournament and have beaten us twice, so we know how great they are. We are working hard this week and looking forward to another tough game on Saturday in Annapolis.

Anyway, I also wanted to take this time to announce that I have added a cool new video section to this website. A couple of years ago, I filmed two goalie DVDs. One was entitled, "Evolution In Lacrosse Goaltending : Fundamentals" and it is basically an overview of my philosophy of goalie play in lacrosse. It is how I learned to play growing up from tons of top goalies and coaches, and it is basically how I teach my goalies at Denver. I also filmed a DVD entitled, "Evolution In Lacrosse Goaltending : Drills" which I never ended up releasing.

I just posted both DVDs on this website for FREE! Just go to the VIDEO tab at the top of www.tierlacrosse.com and it will ask you to register your email. I will not share your emails with anyone else. In exchange for your email address, you get over two hours of free goalie instruction from me. This is everything that I go through at camps, clinics, individual lessons and like I said before, with all of our DU goalies. With the ridiculous prices of instruction sports DVDs these days, it's probably about $80 to $100 worth of video.

The reason that I decided to do this is that I just wanted to get my goalie teachings out to as many people as possible. There are a lot of old myths out there when it comes to coaching goalies. A lot of things that coaches tell goalies have been passed down through the generations and do not work so well anymore with how the athletes and stick technology has evolved over the years.

This is not to say that my way is right and other peoples' ways are wrong. It's just that I learned a lot of different techniques over the years that made playing goalie easier on myself, and I think these same techniques can work for anyone to make them a better player. As I say in the introduction section, take what works for you and throw out the rest! That is the same thing that I did growing up as I watched and learned from the college goalies that I was able to spend so much time with since my father was a coach. I took ideas and techniques from them that I liked and incorporated them to make my own style. I encourage you other goalies to do the same!

People have been complimenting me for giving these videos away for free and asking how they can repay me. I'm flattered but the only thing that I ask is that you share them with other goalies and coaches. It feels a lot better to just share these lessons with others than the small amount of money that I could have made for selling these things. So, if you like them, please just pass them along to other goalies and coaches...thank you!

To see a couple of sample videos, you can check out the Introduction section or the Live Demo section from "Evolution In Goaltending : Fundamentals" by going to the links below on YouTube. To see the rest of the videos, you must log in on the VIDEO tab at the top of the TIER Lacrosse website.

INTRO : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TRhNsvpb5k&feature=relmfu

LIVE DEMO : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPIxxLzDNrY&feature=relmfu

UNDER PRESSURE!

"Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking..." -David Bowie

I always thought the idea of pressure in athletics was a funny thing. People say, "this guy is under a lot of pressure" or "this is a high pressure situation". But, what does that even mean? No one or no situation can actually put "pressure" on us (unless we are UFC fighters and some beast is about to literally choke us out!). In most athletic situations, the only person that can actually put pressure on us is ourselves! Our own perspective on pressure will determine if we will flourish and succeed or if we will choke (figuratively speaking) and fail. Pressure is really whatever we make of it.

First off, let's look at what pressure REALLY means. For an athlete, it basically means that we feel nervous or anxious for a big game. Little Johnny Laxer feels just as nervous for his third grade championship game as Tom Brady feels for the Super Bowl. Almost everyone feels anxiety before a big game in sports and it doesn't matter if millions of people around the world are going to watch it or only your mom is there with a Tupperware full of orange slices. We don't feel more pressure just because a certain event is more popular or better advertised than another event. It only matters what we make of that event in our own heads. It's all the same at the end of the day.

So, as we enter May in the great sport of lacrosse, a lot of us are in big games! As the stakes get higher, what can we do to perform our best?

1. Believe you are best in high pressure situations.

When I was six years old, I was playing in my first tournament as a goalie. In the championship game, our team was up by one. In the last minute of the game, a player from the other team ran down the field and took a shot right in front of the crease…and…hit me right in the head! All of my teammates ran onto the field and told me I had won the game, even though I had probably closed my eyes!

That left an imprint on me though in my athletic career. Whenever it got to be a clutch situation, I believed that I was going to come up big. That confidence carried me a long way and it can for all of us, too. Even if we have failed before in that type of situation, we can believe that this time will be different and we will succeed. Believing in ourselves, no matter what, is the greatest confidence booster around!

2. Talk to yourself!

There is a reason people think goalies are crazy…I was certainly no exception. Most games I would whisper to myself, "Just see the ball…just see the ball…just see the ball…". All my defensemen would be like, "What? Are you talking to me?". They definitely thought I was insane! But, this little mantra to myself helped keep me focused when I was most nervous. The more nervous I got for a game, the more I told myself, "Just see the ball.".

Also, in 2001, when I was at Princeton, we were playing Syracuse in the National Championship. We had gotten crushed by Syracuse the previous three times that we had played them, including the championship game the year before. When I woke up the morning of that game, I started saying to myself, "We are going to win this game…we are going to win this game…we are going to win this game." I kept saying that all the way until we scored the goal that beat them in overtime in front of 30,000 people! Just that little saying in my head helped me believe that we could do it and gave me the confidence to go out and play well.

3. Realize that you have to risk everything to win the big one!

Even though I was part of lots of great wins in my career, I was also part of a lot of big losses. My Princeton team got crushed on national television in the championship game in 2000. I was part of a USA team that lost it's first ILF championship in 2006 for the first time in like 30 years! Talk about embarrassing!

But, to win the big ones, we have to be willing to risk losing the big ones. We win some and we lose some. Having this type of perspective can help give us the confidence to go out and do our best in the big game. If we go out and play at our highest level and leave everything on the field, we can be proud of ourselves, win or lose.

4. Have fun!

This last suggestion may not help you win, but man…what I would give to be playing in a big game again in the sport I love! (Unfortunately, if I take one more lump to the head, I am going to be talking like Evander Holyfield with a mouth full of marbles.) So, it's your guys turn! Playing in a big game is the best thing in the world! Make sure to enjoy and love every last minute of it!

So, with that being said…our Denver Pioneers team is playing in the ECAC semifinals versus third ranked Loyola tomorrow! We are fighting for our playoff lives and trying to defend our ECAC title. Big game. Pressure is on...gotta love it.

NEVER...EVER...QUIT!

In 1988, my father Coach Bill Tierney, was in his first year of coaching at Princeton. They were absolutely terrible and ended up going 2 - 13. At some point during that season, he was given the poem "You Musn't Quit" and he has had it above his desk ever since. As bad as that season was, four years later his Princeton team would end up winning its first of six national championships while he was at the helm.

This poem illustrates one of the great lessons of athletics. No matter how bad things are going in a game or a season, we have to keep fighting and scrapping and clawing. At the end of the game or season, whether the outcome is "good" or "bad", we want to know that we gave everything we had for our team, our fans and for ourselves.

This lesson flows into our lives too, after we are done competing on the field. Sometimes we hit bumps in the road in life, and we just have to keep going and being our best. We have to have faith that everything happens for a reason and the tough parts in our lives are there to help us grow and evolve.

Here is the poem, as it portrays this feeling of what perseverance means better than I ever could :

YOU MUSN'T QUIT

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must but Don't You Quit!

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up through the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup
And he learned too late when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem the worst
That You Mustn't Quit!

- Edgar A. Guest

SPORTS AND LIFE ARE 'BOUT PRACTICE, NOT PERFECTION

"Practice! We talkin 'bout practice?! Practice?" - Allen Iverson

I have a confession to make. On Saturday night, as the time winded down and our Denver team was about to lose to Loyola by a few goals, I lost my composure. I snapped at the refs, my players and my fellow coaches. I don't know what it was - a rough week, being overstressed, a game with huge implications for our team- but, there are no excuses. Basically, I took my anger and frustration out on other people, yelled and made an ass out of myself.

I could not sleep the whole night after the game because I was so disappointed in my behavior and how I had acted. Here I am writing about these lessons of having discipline and perspective and using sports to bring valuable gifts to young peoples' lives and then I am running around and acting like a maniac! (Somebody should nominate me to run for Congress!).

On Sunday morning though, I remembered a couple important things that allowed me to finally crawl out of bed and face the world. The first realization I had was that we are all human and we make mistakes. The second was that sports and life are a practice. So, we are all constantly working to be our best and sometimes we hit a snag in the road and trip up. It's up to us to use that slip-up as a wake up call to improve in some way.

So, my current goal is to keep getting better at not taking my emotions out on others. One of my friends and mentors once wrote that to blame is to "be lame". In other words, when we blame someone else for how we are feeling, then we are acting lame and not taking responsibility for those feelings.

Next time I get angry or frustrated with a ref, I am going to just feel that anger until it dissipates and then talk to him later by why I was not happy with that call. Next time I get angry or frustrated with a player, I am going to feel that anger until it dissipates and then talk to him later about what I think he can work on to become a better player and athlete. Next time I get angry or frustrated with one of my fellow coaches, I am going to just feel that anger until it dissipates and then talk to him later about the disagreement that I had with him and try to find a resolution.

The problem when we direct our anger out towards others is that not only do we hurt those other people, we also hurt ourselves. We multiply the angry feelings and make it more widespread, rather than just resolving it within ourselves. At the end of the day, we end up having to ask for forgiveness from others and even more importantly, having to forgive ourselves.

To those of you who read my blog, I will tell you what I told my team. I am sorry that I behaved in a manner that is hypocritical to what I hope to promote through coaching and writing. Other coaches might act like that, but that is not me and not how I want to walk through this world. I will do better next time, I can promise you that.

Like all of us, I am not perfect but I am practicing.